Amusements: July 2004 Archives

What: you mean--? Oh, they were the originals from the movie....

Don't let the smile fool you - this woman at the DNC is proof that extraterrestrials have taken over the Democrat party. If Kerry gets elected they'll use Republicans as cheap fuel for their spaceships. Here's a photo of their leader who gave Capt. James T. Kirk (R-Idaho) a run for his money back in the 60's. The Federation should have outlawed dancing!

I saw some great TV tonight, but only 60 seconds of it, and it combined two of my worldly loves: R&B music and office supplies.

The OfficeMax chain is running a "Back to School" ad with Eddie Steeples returning as the delightful and limber "Rubber Band Man". The first RBM ad is available on-line, along with an amusing "Making Of..." video. (Be patient: they take a while to load, even at broadband speeds.)

I posted earlier this week some parts of my correspondence with an old friend who recently became Catholic. A couple of days ago she emailed me about a retreat for women mystics she was interested in going on and how a "prophet" was going to come speak at her parish. I share my reply with you:

Sal: If you talk with someone about the retreat ask them what the program is, what kind of spirituality it's based on, who is giving the talks, and if there will be a priest to hear confessions. They might balk at the questions - I'm not sure. I think, though, it's important to know these things beforehand because the environment of a retreat can make people very vulnerable, and when people are vulnerable they are easily manipulated. You are responisible for your emotional and spiritual well-being.

I probably sound like I'm pontificating again. I'm sorry. I just think as a someone new to the faith you might get more out of a traditional retreat. I'm very much a fundamentals kind of guy. The Church has two thousand years of saints and spiritual masters who we can learn from and emulate. I think it's best to start with a method that is proven, rather than someone talking about how the Virgin Mary appears in her oatmeal every morning and tells her to plant rubharb in a cruciform fashion. The challenge is finding on what sort of spirituality appeals to you. I think you'd like Franciscan spirituality, really. They are all about the flora and fauna.

Some people clearly have other gifts like visions, inner locutions, premonitions, or speaking in tongues, but it's very hard to discern what the source of those things are without the mind of the Church behind you. I might be over-reacting a bit, but my experience has been that it's easy to get hooked on tangible things, like when you see someone speaking in tongues or talking about their prophecy or visions. There is a kind of instant gratification in that that you don't get in the same way from mental prayer and contemplation. It also can be sensational. And it doesn't build an interior life in the same way as traditional spirituality, because people look for those tangible things instead of earnestly seeking after Jesus and accepting His presence even if they can't feel it. Ah, Maria, just take all I'm saying with a grain of salt and trust that Jesus will lead you where He wants you to go. But stay away from the oatmeal and rhubarb visionary until the Vatican makes a statement!

You are in my prayers,

Sal Ravilla

One of the priests in my parish decried a mandatory all-day meeting in the Chancery Office last week:

"The Chancery is where priests become desks, where every day is Monday, and where good ideas go to die."

Frank at IMAO says:

I think Arnold should keep up the rhetoric. He should have a press conference to apologize saying, "I am so sorry I upset the Democrats by calling them 'girlie men.' To make up, I'll give them all pretty flowers so they squeal with girlish glee."

Larry Miller, contributing humorist to the Daily Standard, says no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Just look at the residents of the Twin Cities and you'll see why. Read the whole thing - it's a riot!

Since I live near Boston, I'm speaking, of course, of the impending Democratic party convention that is about to close highways and bridges, make our subway stations operate as smoothly as airport checkpoints, shut down business for a week, and - oh, yeah -- cost the taxpayers over $20 million in direct subsidies.

Well, at least we get to crack jokes at the Dems.

Update: Coverage of highway and subway closures.

...who might consider himself a spiritual rationalist if had those words in his vocabulary, was explaining to me that reason trumps faith in all matters, faith is just a feeling, and by the way, you're a fool to believe all the stuff those icky, old, and oppressive father-figures in the Catholic Church have been churning out all these centuries. What do I? Gave him the link to Fides et Ratio. "It's long but it's good for your soul," I said.

The fundamentalists and evangelicals have turned faith into a feeling as though was some kind of drug or anti-drug that buys you eternal fire insurance - bliss in this life and assurance of bliss in the next. That's not faith. Faith is an intellectual assent to the teachings of the Church. We believe these teachings because God has revealed them, so they are even more believable than something that can be empirically tested or observed. But are there degrees of truth? Is the Incarnation more true than one plus one is two? Do these truths have no degrees of veracity but rather different metaphysical import? Or do I sound like I've been educated beyond my intellect? I shall discuss all this with my pagan friend when he finishes reading Fides et Ratio.

One of our astute readers in the Diocese of Richmond sent me a very amusing, very telling email today:

...thought you might get a kick out of it since you seem to be following our travails in the Richmond Diocese. TQ's comments, which you linked, reminded me of the funniest thing I've seen this year. Some brief background:

TQ mentioned "a manual" that was discussed in Bp. DiLorenzo's homily. The "manual" was a document prepared a couple years ago by Bp. Sullivan and his cronies that deals with the goals, strengths, weaknesses, etc., of the diocese. (They mostly get the strengths and weaknesses backwards, as you might expect). Supposedly, they got input from the parishes in preparing it, but at the parish level very few people seem to have heard of it.

They seem to have presented it to Bp. DiLorenzo with great fanfare -- "this is the course the diocese wants/needs to follow" -- so Bp. DiLorenzo talked a lot about it in his homily.

Then he went on the road, meeting lay leaders, and discovered that very few had heard of the document. The diocesan newspaper, reporting on the meeting, quoted him as asking "Is this document relevant, or is it a house job?"

I figured that by "house job" he meant, like, an "in-house" thing by the diocesan staff that wasn't really relevant to the situation "on the ground" in the parishes -- which is true enough.

But Tuesday, the new edition of the diocesan paper arrived with this correction, which gave me one of those wonderful diet-Coke-through-the-nose moments:

"Corrections: The term used by Bishop Francis X. DiLorenzo ... was "hose job," and not "house job" as was printed in the June 21 issue..."

Hose job, of course, means snow job. As though blowing sunshine in the direction of the Bishop will distract him from the real work of the Church.

I'm really starting to like Bp. DiLorenzo. A lot.

Thank you, anonymous reader, for your email and a Diet-Coke-through-the-nose moment.

The Associated Press quoted two officials "close to the Kerry campaign" Monday who said that Edwards interrupted a trip to Walt Disney World last week to meet with Kerry in Washington.

The poor kid - he had to get off Tigger's lap and fly to Washington!

Let me get us started.

• Your eyes say "No!" but your hair says, "Yes! Yes! Yes!"
• Kerry: You smell, terrific, John! Edwards: You smell terrific, too, John!
• Edwards: I've never felt this way about a man before! Kerry: I've never run for President before!
• Kerry: Don't mention Vietnam too much. Edwards: What's Vietnam?

A bunch of terrorists attempted to blow up an Israeli barracks from underground, but in a miscalculation, their tunnel ran underneath a car-park. They did blow that up, killing one soldier instead of dozens. American writer Meryl Yourish quips (with no apologies to Joni Mitchell): "They craved paradise but blew up a parking lot."

(via OxBlog, thx)

PLATTSMOUTH, Neb. -- Some Americans this Fourth of July plan to get a bang out of blowing Osama bin Laden's head off.
The Bin Laden Noggin, a cone-shaped pyrotechnic device with a cartoon of bin Laden's face, has been a hot seller at some fireworks stores across the country. When lighted, the bin Laden cone erupts in blood-red flames and screeches for 60 seconds. Two shots blow off his head.
It is part of an Exploding Terrorists Heads four-pack that also includes Saddam Hussein, Yasser Arafat and Moammar Gadhafi.
Another hot seller in some places: Game Over, a package of three artillery shots decorated like bin Laden, Saddam and Col. Gadhafi in striped jail uniforms.
Both sets of fireworks are made in China.

Written by a couple of seminarians who shall remain nameless!

Warning: if you are offended by liberal use of the word "crap" don't continue reading!

Jeff Miller invites our terrorist friends for a stay at the Ramadan Inn.