John Schultz: December 2003 Archives

While on the run, Hussein ran out of "Just for Men"

Movie Star Killer Whale dead at 27.

Keiko the Killer Whale was found floating face up in a Norwegian Fjord by his long-time friend Charlie the Tuna. "We were supposed to go clubbing tonight. It's so sad. I knew he'd been a little sick, but I never knew it was this bad."

Keiko is survived by a generation of American children who vaguely remember him jumping out of the water and have long since abandoned their desire to become marine biologists.

Kathy Shaidle's Twas the Night Before Kwanzaa.

A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"

The clerk says, "What denomination?"

The woman says, "God help us. Has it come to this?
Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran, 21 Baptists and 1 Anglican."