Reader Susan's cry for help is one that many readers can identify with:
Help!! I am scheduled to attend a mother daughter retreat with my teenage daughters sponsored by Regnum Christi. I have only recently become familiar with this LC/RC situation and I must say that I am thoroughly disgusted and confused. Do the RC members continue to quote/recognize/acknowledge Maciel at the retreat centers? If so, I will not attend. I have left a message at Mt. Kisco but not sure if it will be returned in time. Between this and the situation in Europe, I am feeling very disheartened about the Church overall and not much in the mood for a retreat, but I don't want my feelings to affect my children. My daughters are excited about attending this and we are going with good friends. Any advice??
Susan, as a fellow parent I both understand and appreciate your concern. In fact, your situation is similar to one that came up in discussion last year over enrolling one's daughters in RC-sponsored Pure Fashion. I would invite you to check out the post, which identifies some problems and offers a practical alternative for Catholic moms and daughters to grow together spiritually. Please click here.
Additionally, many monasteries and some convents, take retreatants. Some have special guest houses for women. As a teen I attended several youth retreats - via both the Catholic Church and the PAOC (Canada's equivalent to Assemblies of God) that were "teen orientated" - retreats like Antioch, Youth Encounter, etc. I even attended spiritual exercises with the SSPX.
However, the most memorable retreats for me were the times my dad took me to the Trappist monastery in Oka or Orangeville, or my visit to the Benedictine Monastery in St. Benoit du Lac. Ironically, it was after a retreat with these old, tried and contemplative orders that I discerned God calling me back to the Catholic Church - the first time home from evangelical protestantism, and the second time home from radical traditionalism. In retrospect, I feel there is something about praying in a relaxed and simple surrounding, in the middle of nature, that draws the soul back to God.
The other nice thing is that one's schedule is open. So one can join the monks for prayer and mass followed by a breakfast of fresh bread and fruits. Then take a walk around the monastery grounds, while praying the Rosary, before joining the monks for more prayer and lunch. Then drive into town for a little mother-daughter shopping in small town boutiques, take in the local sights and grab supper - using it as an opportunity to really converse with your girls. Then return to the monastery for evening prayer followed by recollection and night prayer.
As many of us have discovered as parents doing our best to raise our kids Catholic, what speaks most to our children is our time. We don't need fancy retreats, programs, marketing, etc... What we need to do is take the time to introduce them to simple Catholicism, to old charisms like that of the Benedictine which is both tested and true.
For instance, like we try and do every summer, our family will probably mix our summer vacation at Mackinac Island and Jellystone Park with a day at this national Franciscan shrine. So it's Yogi Bear in the morning; Mass with the Franciscans and the National Nun Doll Museum in the afternoon; followed by an evening shopping along the boardwalk at St. Ignace. Then back to the trailer to pray the rosary while roasting marshmallows by campfire. Sometimes we arrange to meet up with other Catholic families, sometimes we just happen to run into them and plans merge for the afternoon or evening.
In fact, if any of you live in Michigan and enjoy camping, you're welcome to join us this summer. Perhaps we could all get together for the Canada Day - Independence Day long weekend. There are several KOAs and a couple of Jellystone Parks between St. Ignace and Higgins Lake. It's just a matter of picking one; putting together a loose schedule that combines prayer time, historical time, fun time and family time; and meeting up.
If you do attend, the most worthwhile part is the opportunity to sneak off from the planned event and spend hours and hours exploring the amazing building and grounds at that center. And definitely dont forget to climb the water tower and throw stuff off the roof! Also the attic room where Joe Perry used to go shoot an old statue of Mary with a .22 when Aerosmith rented the building is pretty amazing and creepy. statue and shell casings were still there as of a few years ago. oh, and i swear the "nun's chapel" room is haunted.
Sounds like a great building, even if they are worshiping the devil (just kidding!) I thought it was formerly owned by Rev. Moon, so maybe the "haunting" is related... :)
Pete, thank you for the great ideas for family retreats! I will definitely explore some. To be clear, I am not a member of RC and only learned about the organization recently. A friend whose sister is a member organized the retreat. So I take it that your vote is that I shouldn't go?
Thanks again!
Thanks Susan, I made the correction.
With regards to my recommendation, the decision is left to the conscience of every Catholic parent.
Speaking personally, my wife and I have decided it would be best for our family to stay away from LC/RC-related apostolates until: 1) the movement formally offers Maciel's victims appropriate apologies and restitution; and 2) we have had two years to see how the movement reacts to the recommendations from the Apostolic Visitation.
And even if all goes well over the next two years, we probably won't allow our kids to become active with any LC/RC apostolate that concerns formal education or overnight stays.
On the other hand, for parents looking for a wonderful activity for their teenagers, especially 12-to-17-year-olds with lots of energy, I strongly suggest the Army, Navy, Air or Marine cadets. The military cadets are very open to homeschooling families, as you can see here:
http://goarmycadets.com/qualificaitons.php
I don't know what the cost is in the U.S., but in Canada it's free and their uniforms and equipment are provided. In fact, the kids sometimes get paid a little stipend for their time. My second daughter, who for the past couples years has been pestering us to enroll her in bagpipe lessons, highland dancing and - when she is old enough - wants to earn her pilot's license, is just waiting to turn 12 so she can enroll in the local Royal Canadian Air Cadet squadron.
The savings on bagpipe and highland dancing lesson alone are about $250 a month, and the instructors are the same people who teach at the local studio. And they will also allow her to earn her private pilot's license for free - a savings of about $15,000 in Canada.
So for Canadians there's some real cool stuff kids can do through the Cadet programme, which large one-income homeschooling families (especially when the one income is that of a lay church employee) otherwise could not afford. Yes, Canada's military cadets are extremely friendly to large Catholic and evangelical families.
I certainly hope for the sake of sanity that they are not going to mention Maciel or use any of his writings. But if you go you need to filter everything through your parental filter, and keep in mind that they always have a hidden agenda. The real purpose of this retreat is to try to get you into RC and your daughter into ECYD.
Odds are that for some or all the time they'll separate you from your daughter and you won't know what they're dropping on her.
Okay, I'm leaning toward not going. The thought of spending the weekend in suspicious anticipation of "brainwashing" does not sound appealing, much less spiritually enriching. On the issue of apologies and restitution, it seems to me (and again, I have only recently started reading about all this) that the Legionaries enjoyed the full support of the Church hierarchy for years despite lots of "red flags", i.e. complaints about sexual abuse and about the formation policies. I am trying not to be cynical, but it does seem that the Church hierarchy (right up to the top) ignored the evidence because of all the success (financial and evangelical) of the groups. Perhaps the apologies and explanations are due all around. As I said, this is all very disheartening for me and perhaps there is some understandable explanation as to how the Church allowed this to happen, but I haven't seen one yet.
The best place to camp up there is Petoskey SP. Make reservations ahead of time, on the beachside loop. It has the best beach (now that the algae is gone).
(Yes, it was once owned by the moonies. And before that, it was owned by, I think, someone famous, a director maybe? Can't recall. Amazing piece of property in pricey Mt. Kisco, Westchester.)
If it were me, Susan, I wouldn't go. I just can't be a part of anything that has so much rot at its core. And I also would not give any money to anything that lc/rc is involved in.
Having said that, if you can get to Mt. Kisco, then you can surely get to The Sisters of Life (I believe they do retreats in Stamford, CT but check out their website for all events):
http://sistersoflife.org/
I gladly give my money to this wonderful order and I completely trust them to have the best retreat directors.
That's just off the top of my heard. If you're anywhere in/near the tri-state area, there are so many good spiritual things going on that you can participate in without having to worry; that shouldn't have to be part of a retreat!
Susan--I'm glad you are leaning toward not going.
I would ask you to consider this: the Founder of this lay movement--its architect and designer--was disciplined in 2006 not for sexual predation (whose statute of limitations had long since passed) but for violation of the sacrament of penance (i.e., he induced others to sin and then "forgave" them for it).
Think of this: while sexual predation is indeed a shocking and most deservedly hated violation of the dignity of an individual, the act of allowing the "smoke of Satan" into Christ's sanctuary has very dark spiritual ramifications for an institution that seems to have been designed not merely to mask the sins of its founder, but to ALLOW for the infiltration of the sanctuary itself.
So--even if your good friends are willing and able to state unequivocally that they detest Maciel and all he did, while still seeing the good in the Movement he founded; even if the lay and clerical members of that Movement can do the same--they are offering a retreet.
But even if the very conduit of the charism to their "movement" has himself been rejected what could possibly be special about a retreat offered by those formed in his "likeness and image"????
Upon what do they found any reason for others to listen to them regarding their spiritual well-being?
If they say "It's Christ," well, you and your children can get that at your local parish or at any Catholic retreat. Why risk it?
Why are they risking it?
I can only imagine that the Legion and RC continue in order to keep up appearances.
And this, in and of itself, is reason enough to flee.
Dear Susan, stay far away from Challenge. I worked for many years with the Consecrated and was a member of RC. We did remove Maciel from the last several retreats. What I found out later was even more disturbing. The Consecrated were dropping hints, pressuring type hints, to my daughter about incorporating, being Consecrated, attending Ancora, going to World Youth Day...
It wasn't until I started discussing the scandal with my daughter that she realized they had been pressuring her - behind my back! She probably confused their interest in her with friendship and love for her. Don't all girls want love and attention showered on them? They will make up anything to get your daughter involved and you won't even know it's happening. Stay away.
Susan, if you have a gut feeling, follow what it tells you. But keep in mind that an Apostolic Visitation has been made of the Legion, the reports submitted to Rome on March 15 just past, with the investigating Bishops meeting at the Holy See at the end of April. I would keep an open mind until the Holy See has pronounced itself.
Not many movements organize mother-daughter events, which is a pity.
As a point of comparison, Life Teen had a founder who has recently thrown out of the priesthood for child abuse, but Life Teen continues to flourish in many parishes.
In my area, LC camps get the full support of the Bishop, who sees LC problems as similar to those he faces in his own diocese. He does not doubt the good faith of these young priests.
Susan, bishops who allow these BOZO's into their parish's are simply uninformed such as Not Richard. Actually, Not Richard is drinking the koolaid and possibly getting paid with very expensive hams. Go away with your daughter for a mother/daughter weekend. It will benefit you both much more. Your relationship will grow in a healthy environment rather than in an environment where RC/LC intentionally create wedges between family members. It is nothing short of a diabolical movement.
@Not Richard--would you please address my post? Please, Please, Please?
Susan--in my experience, attending RC events with your radar up is exhausting.
It goes like this: You see red flags beforehand but aren't sure what to make of them or how deep they run. You decide to attend anyhow. But you go with a sharp mind and eyes wide open. You don't simply fall into line. You think for yourself and are observing things. They pick up on this immediately. They begin to single you out to "include" you even more. They sense your ongoing hesitation. They pressure you even more. You verbalize a concern or observation that makes you uncomfortable (e.g., in this instance, question about the Apostolic Visit). They give you a canned answer and then get hostile if you ask further questions. Or they just get hostile.(Or, if you are like me, several of those steps are skipped and they don't like you from the get go because you aren't falling into line, and they don't like the vibe they get from you that you watching things and thinking for yourself, so they start ignoring you right off the bat.)
That was the way it went long, long before all of this stuff came out in the past few years. Imagine how it is now.
I would not go. No way. Also, your daughters will get attached to other girls and they won't understand why, suddenly, later, you decide to curtail their time with this group.
I would not touch it with a two hundred thousand foot pole.
I would definitely find a convent or someplace and make your own retreat like Pete suggested. Depending on finances, maybe let them invite a friend or two (if those friends are girls who will know how to have prayer time and do a retreat). Or just keep it you and the girls. It will be fun to plan and a wonderful memory for them. I would mix up prayer with girl stuff.
Thank you all for your thoughts! I have broken the news to my daughters and they are disappointed. I promised to find an alternative and try to include their friends. I think there is a convent of Contemplative Missionaries of Charity (Mother Teresa order) nearby and I am going to call them to see if I could bring the girls for evening prayer. I think that order should be safe!
I do have to say though, that it is very difficult for me to understand how these methods and formation policies were tolerated by the Church for so long (aside from the allegations of sexual and financial abuse). Shouldn't we be able to trust the hierarchy to discern the difference between valid religious practices and cult behavior?? I am sure that many people became involved with these groups because of the "gold stamp" of approval by the Church. If the defense is that they just didn't know...well, that is just not good enough. They certainly should have known. In all the information I've read, still no explanation for this part of it...
Thanks again. SS, I was especially convinced by the "reality check" of how it would likely go! Sounds pretty accurate!
Susan, Think of the powerful and lasting example you are giving your daughters. Their disappointment will pass, but not the memory of their mother using her common sense to protect herself and her children from something that did not seem right. My own mother initially liked the LC, close to where we grew up in CT, and would go to help them out, until--and this was in the 80s--one of her favorite priests just suddenly disappeared. No one would say what happened and my mother smelled a rat. She didn't need to know all that we know now to know that something was wrong. I admire her ability to use common sense to protect her family. In addition, I really question the need for all these external activities. And this is for moms who are worried about associating with Pure Fashion: Enjoy fashion WITH your daughters and teach them what is tasteful and beautiful and "fetching," as my mother used to say. If you do this from a young age--helping and encouraging them to develop their good taste and own sense of style--you will be in a great position to steer them through their teen-aged years. "Modesty" might just take care of itself.
Wanting to respond to the valid concerns of Susan - what comes to mind is the parable of the wheat and tares ; could it have been that it is difficult , until the grains or the fruit appear , to know if persons and even ministries are there to try to use , yes even God , for what they percieve as one's own purpose and agenda , power etc : and not for the real good of those they are to serve , helping them to be able to truly love and adore God in the guidelines of The Church !
Yet , such an attitude is not all that exceptional in our times and this whole spectacle seems like a large , bad icon of the underlying rot , both in and out of The Church and yes , even in Catholic families , thus helping many to ask if they see such ,in and around themselves !
Happened to read about the invasion of the red lion fish , into Atlantic waters, how its predatory nature is destructive for much other coral fish and as a poisonous fish, dangerous to divers ; had to wonder if the blood soaked oceans are telling us something too ! Then again , may be its poison can be used as a form of aversion therapy , in many recalcitrant cases that we are dealing with these days , along with powerful exorcism in the hope that we all find refuge , in the ocean of His mercy !
"If you do attend, the most worthwhile part is the opportunity to sneak off from the planned event and spend hours and hours exploring the amazing building and grounds at that center. And definitely dont forget to climb the water tower and throw stuff off the roof!"
Pure awesomeness, that.
Susan: I can very well see that once the machine got some momentum it used that to buy bishops just as well as anyone else. Bishops are only human. What concerns me is only where the Hell the momentum initially came from... and yes, I suspect Hell. How deeply the Devil was in the details as far back as whatever con-scheme got this thing started is a question even lawyers and DNA tests won't be able to answer. Clearly that's beyond our power as laypeople to take care of; I'm just praying the visitation mentions that an exorcist better take a look at it.
Just to let you know - Members of the Movement are still promoting these events without identifying the Regnum Christi connection even when they are sponsored by such.