Emperor Constantine called: he wants his name back

Here's a stinker in the offing: "Constantine," a movie about supernatural stuff.

Rachel Weisz (who my wife thinks I like because she's beautiful but I also enjoy her acting) is the skeptical naif who "doesn't believe in the devil." She'll look like the Thespian Queen next to Keanu Reeves, her co-star, who will someday have the anti-Oscar for worst male actor named after him. (The female award will be named after Melanie Griffith.)

I gather from the trailer that Keanu is some kind of exorcist guy who battles supernatural devil things and all that. In his best grown-up voice, he says "God and the devil made a wager for the souls of all mankind." Evidently, Warner Brothers has wagered tens of millions of dollars that people will want to see a movie with that bird-dropping of a premise.

Lot of movies in the last few years that have combined special effects, action, and pseudo-religious mumbo-jumbo: "Stigmata," "End of Days," and others I can't remember because I didn't see them. Most of them have been flops.

Since Hollywood is one of the most relentlessly secular places on Earth outside of Scandinavia, movie bigwigs want to exploit that religion thing they keep hearing rumors about, but they don't want to treat it seriously. They know it's a mess of lies and moral extremism, and anyone with more than half a brain knows it's a bunch of hooey; proceeding on that premise, they then make movies for people with half a brain.

I thought this would be a movie about Emperor Constantine. Maybe it's better that it isn't, because Hollywood would screw up the story just like they screwed up the real story of God and the devil, which is infinitely more interesting. Not to mention deadly important.