I was out of town over the weekend at a conference, and attended Sunday Mass at a seminary near the place. Later that day I went to visit a friend some miles away; he's in a religious order and currently serving as a transitional deacon. We talked over pizza:
RC: Well, here's the latest liturgical war story.
Bro: Oh, boy. What happened now?
RC: [pauses:] What's the worst liturgical accident possible?
Bro: Hm. I suppose it would be dropping the Host.
RC: Got it.
Bro: This was at the Seminary?
RC: Yep.
Bro: Oh, no.
RC: The poor deacon; he was doing pretty well, too. Sang his parts all right. He was doin' fine. But during the Communion at some point he sort of stumbled a little, somehow,
[Brother reacts with a pained expression.]
RC: And about half a dozen Hosts ended up on the floor.
Bro: Oh, mygod. What did he do?
RC: Eh, the right thing: he got down and consumed them. And later on, the priest checked the place for, uh--
Bro: That's a good thing to do.
RC: -- any particles. Those of us in the line walked around the spot. Anyway, the poor guy. He must have felt awful.
Bro: Well, he obviously didn't mean to do it.
RC: No, of course not.
Bro: That reminds me of a story from my school. Some seminarian was going through a practice Mass; it was part of an exam, so the faculty in the department were there to watch him and evaluate him. When he got to the Consecration, he said, "And on the night He was betrayed..." [reaches out slowly to imitate the gesture, and hesitates:]
Bro: "...He took the Cup..." [takes a water glass and lifts it slightly in both hands]
RC: Uh-oh.
Bro: [Stops and slowly sets down the glass:] "But first, he took the bread and gave You thanks--"
RC: Oh, that's bad. [shakes head, laughs]
Bro: [Delivers the punch line:] One of the professors gave him points back for a 'smooth transition'.
Good recovery on both counts!
smooth!
Uh, no — the greatest liturgical error is dropping the chalice!