A piece in today's WSJ (subscribers only) looks at the popularity of funerary eulogies and mentions the new regulation in Newark:
Religious leaders are looking for ways to make eulogies more appropriate and to give verbose eulogists the hook. (A minister's consoling hand on a eulogist's shoulder really means, "Enough.") Earlier this year, Roman Catholic Archbishop John J. Myers of Newark, N.J., caused a furor by decreeing that eulogies don't belong at a funeral Mass. Too many eulogies are more about "how grandpa was a great pool player," without any mention of religious significance, says the archbishop's spokesman, Jim Goodness.In some funeral services, that may be so, but when the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass is the setting, the context in which a funeral takes place, Christ speaks -- and has already spoken -- His word about the value of the departed one.Archbishop Myers would prefer that "words of remembrance" be given at funeral homes or gravesites, but says priests may consider allowing brief comments before Mass begins. His decree, which went into effect July 1, has already sharply reduced church eulogies among the 1.3 million Catholics in the area. Other dioceses are fine-tuning their own eulogy guidelines.
Understandably, many mourners argue that eulogies are the most meaningful part of a service.
Sometimes the efforts of a eulogist can backfire:
Even noncontroversial eulogies can be problematic. [One funeral director] recalls a funeral in which eulogist after eulogist said glowing things about the man who died, leading an exasperated audience [sic] member to stand up and say, "Let's stop joking. He was a no-good S.O.B.!" The room went silent, and the priest quickly concluded the Requiem Mass.
So true: eulogies are totally inappropriate to a funeral Mass and are often super-promblematic.
I've got to admit it- part of me is wishing I'd been at the last funeral mentioned, to hear the one guy stand up and ruin the 'instant canonization' .....
I think the policy of encouraging eulogies during visiting hours at funeral homes is the most sensible. The whole purpose of visiting hours, it seems to me, is to socialize with others who knew the deceased and console each other. Eulogies fit in that context perfectly. The funeral Mass is where we celebrate as a community the life of the deceased and commend them to God.
I can't help but wonder if those jumping at a chance to eulogize in a church are consciously or subconsciously living out a power trip fantasy of commandeering the pulpit themselves for once.
"To celebrate as a community the life of the deceased and commend them to God" is a fair way of describing a funeral service, but it doesn't do justice to the meaning of the Mass itself as Christ's sacrifice or as the meeting-place of God and man. God condescends in the Incarnation and Atonement, and then takes man up to Himself. We need to find the meaning of a Christian funeral within that "movement".
One of my great comforts in embracing Traditional Catholicism is knowing that my Requiem Mass, conducted according to the 1962 Rite, will have none of the embarassing eulogies or instant canonizations that are part and parcel of the Novus Ordo procedure.
My uncle Earl recently passed away at age 78. He was a Methodist, the only Protestant among all of my relatives. The funeral ended up a funny mix of Protestantism and Catholicism.
The wake was held at a Catholic funeral home, with traditional prayer cards available at the door to the viewing room, with pictures of St. Francis or the Virgin Mary on the back. I am looking at one of them, as I write this.
The memorial service was led by the minister from Earl's church (who mostly gave a long sermon of scriputure study on several Bible verses that he apparently thought were relevant), then invited us to share any memories. The few people who spoke all gave either "funny" reminiscences or "instant canonization" stories. The minister then offered prayers asking God to give comfort to Earl's family and friends.
Obviously, being a Protestant, he said no prayers for the deceased, or the repose of his soul. I kept thinking how strange it was to have this Methodist minister preaching to a 100% Catholic audience.
The funeral was arranged by Earl's daughters, all Catholic. His wife (Catholic) is deceased.
I found myself wishing that they had asked a priest to attend, to offer some prayers for Earl and his soul, not just prayers for us family and friends here on earth.
By the way, I came extremely close to standing up at a funeral and making the same statement mentioned in the posting: "Let's stop joking, he was a no-good S.O.B.!" It was the funeral of a close relative whom I loved very much, but he just wasn't a very pleasant person to most people, especially family, for most of his life. I was fortunate to have been one of those few he did get along with well, but I knew what the man's true character was.
Ironically, those who said the most kind and glowing things about him are the same ones my deceased loved one treated most like dirt while he was alive. Were they trying to rewrite their memories into something more pleasant, or just looking to have some time in the spotlight?
It's nice to highlight the positives where you can when one has passed on, but twisting the truth or downright lying is not doing anyone any good at all, living or dead. If I had stood up during the eulogies and called him a (mostly) rotton S.O.B., I know that my deceased loved one would have laughed and agreed if he could. He never suffered fools gladly, God bless him.