A hymn for marriage cases

In the wake of Pope Francis’ two motus proprio reforming the procedures for annulment cases, I realized that what this topic needs is a good hymn. Or a bad hymn. Something.

A colleague supplied the first line (a bit irreverent in its wording, admittedly) and chose a tune (ABBOTS LEIGH):

Frank, you give the great annulment;
Loose the bond and set me free
My old marital involvement
Kept me in captivity
Once a wedding, now a burden
Doubtful in validity
By your new procedures promise
Judgment of its nullity.

Once I was her perfect hero,
Once she was my perfect peach:
Now our love has gone to zero;
We found lawyers, one for each.
Civil courts dissolved our contract
setting us at liberty:
By your new procedures promise
Judgment of its nullity.

[At this point, modulate up a half-step, please, and add a treble descant:]

Change, I’m told, is always nifty,
And applying isn’t hard:
Fees are but a dollar-fifty
while the form fits on a card.
Past constraint will be forgotten
When that e-mail comes to me;
By your new procedures promise
Judgment of its nullity.

Looking a gift album in the mouth

LOL. The headline has it right. Seen on Slashdot:

Apple Outrages Users By Automatically Installing U2’s Album On Their Devices

Apple may have succeeded at breaking two records at once with the free release of U2’s latest album, titled Songs of Innocence, via iTunes. But now, it looks like it’s also on track to become one of the worst music publicity stunts of all time.

Users who have opted to download new purchases to their iPhones automatically have found the new U2 album sitting on their phones. But even if iTunes users hadn’t chosen automatic downloads, Songs of Innocence will still be displayed as an “iTunes in the Cloud” purchase. That means it will still be shown as part of your music library, even if you delete all the tracks. The only way to make the U2 album go away is to go to your Mac or PC and hide all of your “iTunes in the Cloud” purchases, or to use iTunes to manually hide each track from your purchased items list.

Other reactions include rapper, Tyler, The Creator, saying that having the new U2 album automatically downloaded on his iPhone was like waking up with a STD.

Yes, some of Apple’s customers are just seething with rage at having an unwanted free U2 album added to their libraries or automatically downloaded to their phones. They are offended. They are *outraged*. They are ridiculously overreacting. It’s laughable. Really, if you know one of these people, make popcorn.

One of my FB friends was so outraged at Apple that he declared the company was in “deep trouble” and he was going to call the Federal government over it. I teased him, saying: let us know how that phone call goes, and he banished me from his FB friends list. The poor bubby. His pretty phone has turned into a case of ‪#‎firstworldproblems‬.

Categorized as Amusements

Songs for next Christmas

John Schultz and his brother Fr. Steve, co-founders of this blog, were kidding today about making a Christmas album together. It’s not too far-fetched an idea; after all, they were both music majors, and they have performed Christmas music together before. For example, here
[click the ‘read more’ to display the video, if you’re viewing the main blog page]:

Certainly proper and dignified. But the song titles that their friends suggested ran in a different mode:

“Boar’s Head (Deli) Carol”
“I Saw Three Chips”
“Go Tell It In The Sin Bin”
“Children, Go Where I Send Thee (To The Overflow Hall)”
“Come, Thou Long Expected Full House”
“They Came Upon The 4 p.m. Clear”
“God Rest Ye Merry, Cookiepuss”
“Lo, How An Onion Blooming”
“Riu, riu, Cheeto”

Here are a couple of the lyrics I was inspired to offer:

In the bleak mid-winter
and on Easter day,
we see folks in pews who
never come this way.
Lilies, palms, and ashes
call them back to here;
would that God could reach them
more than thrice a year.


The first pizzell’
was vanilla, they say;
but to make them with anise
is just the best way.
And chocolate is good,
we can have that one too,
but a flavor of bubble-gum
makes us say ‘Ew!’
Pizzell’, pizzell’, pizzell’, pizzell’,
These weird fakey flavors should just go to hell.

It’s a work in progress.

Categorized as Amusements

Song For A Contemporary Nativity Set

Have yourself a minimalist Christmas
with a set of blocks
each a single color and an oblong box

Have yourself a geometric Christmas
It’s a tidy plan
As if they were painted like a Mondrian

Bet you knew
that our Lady’s blue
while Saint Joseph’s all in brown
Deeper shades from the Orient
tell you Magi are in town.

Soon it will be copied by IKEA
Yuletide can be blah:
Angels without mouths can’t sing a Gloria.
But have yourself a minimalist Christmas, brah.

On that night
Was our Savior white?
Was the shepherd grubby gray?
In that box
there’s no lamb or ox
but the Pope says that’s okay

If your kids see this on Christmas morning
sure they’re gonna cry
look at you in tears and ask you, Daddy, why?

So let’s just kiss this minimalist Christmas ‘bye

(A hat tip to Fr. Bryce Sibley for letting me know about this.)

A ditty for St. Nicholas’ day

The other day, “Curt Jester” Jeff Miller read Taylor Marshall’s account of how Saint Nicholas of Myra confronted the heretic Arius at the Council of Nicaea (and rearranged his dental work). Well, Jeff wished that there were a Christmas song about the event, so I obliged him:

I saw Santa punching Arius,
in Nicaea where the council met last night;
the bishops were aghast, and the bruise is gonna last:
he seized him with his left hand and then slapped him with the right;
Now the Emperor’s pursuing Nicholas,
and wants to put him in a prison cell;
Probably neither will repent ’til their wrath is fully spent
and the heresy’s condemned to hell.

Categorized as Amusements