Why D.C. will never be a state, reason #253
If this doesn't catch your eye, no headline will:
Pulse Felt in Body in D.C. Morgue. A District woman believed to be dead was placed in a body bag by a team from the D.C. medical examiner's office, taken to the morgue and put in a refrigerated box until an investigator -- who was called to officially declare her dead -- found a pulse....Deborah Wilson, 49, was found Friday morning in her bedroom at the Museum Square apartments, 401 K St. NW, apparently suffering from cardiac arrest. But what happened between the 911 call and four hours later when Wilson was finally pronounced dead remains in dispute, according to interviews and internal District records....
The medical examiner's team arrived at 1:30 p.m., found police and two family members, and Wilson "on her knees like she was praying," according to a source on the scene.
When the body was removed from the bed, "she sighed and she moaned," the source said. The supervisor from the medical examiner's office heard the noises and said, "It's just aspirations. No big deal," the source said.
The best quotation of all: "Cyril Wecht, the coroner in Allegheny County, Pa., and past president of the American Academy of Forensic Sciences, said a pulse is a sign that a person is alive. 'There is no pulsation after death,' he said. 'Definitely not.'"
Most of you reading this probably don't live in Washington, so you don't know how many things around here defy satire. Did you know, though, that many people living in Washington want D.C. to be a state? Yep, an 83-square-mile state. Nobody outside of the city takes it seriously, but if it ever becomes a national issue, be very afraid. The government of 265 million people will be held hostage by a few hundred thousand D.C. voters, many of whom have a tenuous grasp of reality.
If you're curious about what the other 252 reasons for why D.C. will never be a state, reasons #1-200 are "Marion Barry." My friend Chris Wavrin gives a few others:
#201: Rats
#202: No parking
#203: Rats
#204: No Guns
#205: Rats
Feel free to some lighthearted things to that list -- "can't plow snow off the streets," "potholes," "a foster care system that assigns innocent kids to violent people who kill them," "a police force that solves fewer than half of the murders every year," etc.
