Category: Arts & Culture

Movies you won’t see anytime soon

Here are some movie plot elements that you won’t see very often on the big screen:
1. After working really hard to win a sports competition, the underachieving underdog loses big time. Seeing how much he has embarrassed himself and his family, he realizes that hard work is much more important than raw talent.
2. The handsome rich guy in a romantic comedy turns out to be a well-read, sensitive man, and the poorer guy is a jerk who doesn’t deserve the girl.
3. Braving the catcalls of people who say she can’t succeed, the spunky girl tries to beat the boys in _____, but she can’t hack it. She realizes that each sex has unique, unchanging strengths and weaknesses.
4. The (only) prominent black character is soft-spoken and reserved, and never offers any sassy comments or homespun wisdom. He neither dances nor sings. He likes harp music.
5. The fundamentalist Bible-thumping preacher is someone who truly cares about his congregation and community, not a skirt-chasing hypocrite. (Exception: John Lithgow in “Footloose.”)
6. The wife of a good yet slightly boring husband rejects her would-be lover, because she thinks that “boring” doesn’t justify betraying her spouse. Realizing that even the best sex in the universe won’t make her feel any less unfulfilled, she dedicates her life to serving others. (Contra “Bridges of Madison County,” “English Patient,” ad nauseum.)
7. The setting: Suburbia USA, where underneath the facade of well-kept lawns and red-brick houses lurks a deep spiritual satisfaction, as well as familial bliss.