Category: Amusements

Time for a trip to the ultimate religious-goods superstore, the Rome Depot!
Or for on-line convenience, there’s avazon.com.
(via the Curt Jester, via me)

I don’t have a story of discrimination like RC’s post below, but I did install Service Pack 2 for Windows XP yesterday. The install worked in the same way the Dallas Charter worked – it seems to be a solution to all the problems other than the most pressing ones. Here are a list of the ill-effects that’s I’ve noticed already:
1. I have bed sores from waiting for it to download and install. I didn’t consider using the time the to say, build a financial empire or construct a to-scale relief map of the United States.
2. SP2 installs another nanny-type program called “Security Center” that includes a firewall but also annoys with warnings about automatic updates and virus protection. Security Center sees Norton AV installed but says it can’t tell if the software is working. I’m sure if MS start selling anti-virus software it would work just fine. IF you change the auto-update settings to simply notify you that new updates are available for download the visual changes from green to yellow and it says “C H E C K S E T T I N G S.” I don’t want to download something I don’t know about, even if it comes from Our Dear Software Provider.
3. A “Windows Marketplace” icon appears in the links toolbar of IE. You click on it and surprise, surprise you’re on Microsoft’s website where you can buy, buy, and buy more stuff to improve your computing experience. Just keep buying, folks, it’s what keeps the economy going.

Some of the ladies in the parish had a little argument one day, because they couldn’t agree about what was the color of the new minister’s eyes. They asked one lady what she thought and she said: “I really don’t know what color they are. When he prays, he closes his eyes, and when he preaches, he closes my eyes.”

The hard-drinking bear, estimated to be about two years old, broke into campers’ coolers and, using his claws and teeth to open the cans, swilled down the suds.
It turns out the bear was a bit of a beer sophisticate. He tried a mass-market Busch beer, but switched to Rainier Beer, a local ale, and stuck with it for his drinking binge.
Wildlife agents chased the bear away, but it returned the next day, said Broxson.
They set a trap using as bait some doughnuts, honey and two cans of Rainier Beer. It worked, and the bear was captured for relocation.

…where he is promptly pulled over by the authorities.
“Do you know why I pulled you over, Father?”
“It must be the biretta…” the priest grumbles.
“I didn’t notice the biretta until I saw you driving backwards with your right turn signal on!” The office exclaims. “Please step out of the car.”
The priest complies.
“What do we have here? A cassock, a sash, and – good gravy – a maniple! Do you think this is 1962? The maniple has been suppressed, Father, don’t you know that?”
“My handkerchiefs are all in the laundry!”
“Likely story, padre! I have half a mind to cite you for attempting to turn back the clock and confusing the people of God! I’ll let you off with a warning if you put on this golf shirt and sing ‘On Eagle’s Wings’ in the orans position!”
“Never!”
Just then a bright light appears – the “HOT” light from Krispy Kreme across the street. While the cop is distracted, our priest gets back in his car and drives away.
The end.