A traddy comes to Arlington…

…where he is promptly pulled over by the authorities.
“Do you know why I pulled you over, Father?”
“It must be the biretta…” the priest grumbles.
“I didn’t notice the biretta until I saw you driving backwards with your right turn signal on!” The office exclaims. “Please step out of the car.”
The priest complies.
“What do we have here? A cassock, a sash, and – good gravy – a maniple! Do you think this is 1962? The maniple has been suppressed, Father, don’t you know that?”
“My handkerchiefs are all in the laundry!”
“Likely story, padre! I have half a mind to cite you for attempting to turn back the clock and confusing the people of God! I’ll let you off with a warning if you put on this golf shirt and sing ‘On Eagle’s Wings’ in the orans position!”
“Never!”
Just then a bright light appears – the “HOT” light from Krispy Kreme across the street. While the cop is distracted, our priest gets back in his car and drives away.
The end.

Published
Categorized as Amusements

Newman on the Rosary

Discussing Marian devotion with a convert of his time, Newman wrote,

“to my feelings nothing is more delightful than the contemplation of the Mysteries of the Incarnation, under the invocation, so to call it, of her whowas the human instrument of it-so that she who ministered to the Gracious Dispention itself, should minister also to our adoring thought of it.”

So true! And this is the answer to those ninnies who say you shouldn’t pray the rosary during Eucharistic Adoration.

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Categorized as Devotions

The homily we’re all waiting for

No doubt you the news that came out of New Jersey last week. [Came out – I love that!] Governor James McGreevey announced his resignation and shockingly revealed that he… is… a…

[pause here while parents cover the ears of their small children and other grip the seat of the pew in fear of what is coming]

…RELATIVIST! A relativist! A flagrant relativist! In his speech he admitted no less when he said, “One has to look deeply into the mirror of one’s soul and decide one’s unique truth in the world.” McGreevey would have us believe we make up truth as we go along, that each of us is the author of our own individual truth. This is contrary to what we as Catholics profess regarding faith and morals, namely that truth is objective, it is a universal standard that applies to all, not a subjective whim. Christ says in the Gospel, “I am the way, the truth, and the life.” There is only one way, one truth, and one life. It is Christ and no other.

Sadly, McGreevey’s is an ever-increasing lot. Yes, relativists are in our schools, our places of business, our government, and even our Church. It pains me to tell you that there are even priests and Bishops who are relativists. [Some women begin to pinch their babies to make them howl.] We don’t each have our own truths of morals and faith, only the one truth that is preserved and taught by the Catholic Church. “Sing a new church into being,” the new age hymn goes. There is no new church worth following, only the Church that was born of the side of Christ as He hung on the Cross.

Don’t be a relativist – you’ll go to Hell.

Please stand for the Creed.

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Categorized as Amusements

The South is rising again

NEW YORK — Nearly 140 years after the Civil War, another group of Americans wants to secede from the union.
Christian Exodus, a California-based group, wants God to be its commander in chief. Decrying what it perceives as the unjust secularization of the United States, it wants a sovereign state of its own.
But rather than eye the Golden State — a “lost cause,” says the group’s founder — it’ll settle for South Carolina.

Jacques Chirac, heretic

‘Suffering’ pope at Lourdes shrine – cnn

In a welcoming speech, Chirac called the pope “a universal pastor and a man of peace” and said “France and the Holy See are joined in the fight for a world which places Man at the centre of every enterprise.”

Not the ultimate dignity of man, mind you, which would be a step in the right direction. He’s talking about plain old Man, master of his destiny, his own lord and savior. master of all he surveys. Didn’t Galileo prove the heavens revolve around each individual person? No, I think that was Kant.

I’m sure someone is going to take exception to me throwing around Kant’s name like that. I’m speaking proverbially.