Author: Alexandra Baldwin

Sister Nouveau Mary Rides Again!
(“But does she ride on an earth-friendly bicycle? an anything-but-U.S.-made compact car? or perhaps a broom?” ~Sandra Molnar, author)

SISTER NOUVEAU MARY LOOKS TO THE FUTURE OF THE CHURCH
Why, it’s Sister Nouveau Mary, and she’s charging down the street,
Nose a-twitch at scents of heresy and rumors far from sweet
That her very own disciples (“Future Leaders of the Church”)
Are fomenting revolution and have left her in the lurch.
Now here it is First Saturday, and every girl in class
Has bugged out of enneagrams and gone to morning Mass.
It was Sister Athanasius (of all people!) with a grin
Who had told her of the dire straits her protegees were in.
For all the girls were making a novena! To Saint Ann!
“And we all know, Sister Mary, that’s the way to catch a man!”
To catch a WHAT? The little brats! And here she’d spent her life
In saving her young charges from becoming justawife!
Not stifled slaves to One of Them, tied down to babes and home,
But her elite, her avant garde, crack troops for the Sack of Rome!
Now she puffs and trots the faster, lest that saint unreconstructed
Should smile on those petitioners ere their prayers could be destructed.
And she contemplates with horror (lo, her knees have turned to water)
Just how badly that same saint had failed in raising her own daughter.
And she seeks in vain for comfort: “It could be worse, after all–
The whole bunch could have gone to join the Daughters of Saint Paul.”
Then her high heels click the faster, but no comfort can she find
For the worm of doubt is burrowing and whispering in her mind:
“Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary, say, how does your garden grow?
With poppet pope-ettes, rootless plants not meant to bud or blow
And given not the Living Water and the Light they need,
But sterile potions you distill from silly books you read?
Or have they fled your circled chairs, your paper-bannered room,
Transplanting out in God’s green world, where they’ll be free to bloom?
And if you could form yourself anew, to which would you incline:
To be a dry stalk in the sand or a branch of the Living Vine?”

My Mom Writes Poems, Too!
Here is a nice offering from my Mother, the unsinkable Sandra Molnar!
SISTER NOUVEAU MARY ADDRESSES THE STATUE OF THE BLESSED MOTHER
Quoth Sister Nouveau Mary to the statue, “I must say,
We get precious little help from you, no matter how we pray.
At the rising of the moon, in the clearing in the wood,
We have danced all in a circle, but as yet it’s done no good.
And we’ve said the Mater Noster, meditated till we’ve dropped,
But still the persecution of our order hasn’t stopped.
Aggravation from all corners, even places close to home,
From That Nun in Alabama to You Know Who in Rome.”
(The statue stood there silent, as is a statue’s way,
And just as well, for Sister had plenty more to say.)
“Why don’t you send us novices? We cannot even keep
The few we get. I’m so stressed out I cannot eat or sleep.
Why, if I turn on the TV, I surf around and there
That Nun is, busy shearing off another head of hair.”
(The statue stood and smiled at her. What else now would it do?)
Said Sister, “Oh, why bother to tell all this to you?
You never stood up for yourself, you followed Another’s plan.
You didn’t even write your tale, the job went to some man!
But don’t you see? All that is changed, and now has come our hour.
Don’t you get tired of second place? Why don’t you use your power?
Those men can’t stop us anymore. No Way! Just look at me:
I run a school, I wrote a book, I have a Ph.D.
What do you say to that?” The answer came in accents mild:
“That I’m the Queen of Heaven, daughter, and you’re a foolish child.”
The statue spoke and vanished. Dear God, had she gone blind?
And Sister Nouveau Mary wondered if she’d lost her mind.
Was it a demon? Her subconscious? A guardian angel’s joke?
“Now what on earth…?” she sputtered, when another voice spoke.
It was Sister Athanasius, of the habit and the beads,
Who had flat refused to accommodate the order’s Changing Needs,
Who had clung to her name in religion, if you please,
And still came to say Hail Marys upon her bony knees.
So there she stayed among them, the lone dissenting voice,
And, of course, the others let her, for We All Must Have Our Choice.
“What’s happened to Our Lady? She watches as I pray.”
“The statue’s gone. We needed to update it anyway.”
“What poor soul would steal a statue? Now that really is too bad!”
“Not stolen. I …just got rid of it.”
Ah, well, perhaps she had.

Those Wacky Anglicans
Good heavens, Archdeacon Grantly! Did you know your new Archbishop of Canterbury is a druid? The London Times reported on July 19:”As the sun rises over a circle of Pembrokshire bluestones, the Archbishop of Wales, the Most Reverend Dr. Rowan Williams will don a long white cloak while druids chant a prayer to the ancient god and goddess of the land”.
Those Wacky Liberal Catholic Bishops
This, of course, is worse: Adoremus Bulletin reports that an unpublished version of the ICEL Missal/Sacramentary was auctioned off on eBay in the beginning of September. The text by the seller:

This set comes from the private collection of a bishop who, wearying of the long wait for the Roman confirmatio and growing daily more disgusted over Curial politics and the manipulation of the Vatican by certain well-funded right-wing American Catholics, had several sets printed and bound. One set is used in his private chapel (and sometimes even in the Cathedral – shhhh!). The remainder are still boxed, awaiting His Excellency’s final disposition. But, as he approaches retirement, he offers this set now – exclusively on Ebay – to those who would like to have these rare and beautiful texts for their own personal study and edification (now don’t go studying them at the altar, with the candles lit and a couple of hundred people present!). While his own episcopal motto is Nova et Vetera (from our Lord’s words in praise of the scribe learned in the kingdom of God who, like the wise householder, can bring forth the New and the Old), our bishop friend in this auction invokes the phrase stamped in the back of every liturgical book published in the NON-ROMAN usage of Milan, the Ambrosian Rite: Ubi fides, ibi libertas: Where the faith is, there is liberty!

Wait, there are well-funded right-wing American Catholics? Where can I find them? Would they commission a Mass setting from me? Do they have parties?
The auction listing (which is available for a limited time, so don’t wait to check it out!) also assures us that the new, never-to-be published 2 volume set has translations that are more faithful to the original Latin text, while at the same time being more sensitive with regards to inclusive language.
That is like McDonald’s announcing healthful new menu choices, all served with a generous side order of Crisco, or Fresh Fields/Whole Foods Market changing the recipie of their ‘Vegan Mousse’ to include the delicious taste of pork.