Author: Alexandra Baldwin

A Little Help?
Here is a question for all our well informed members and readers: Where can I get a really nice set of sanctuary bells (the three joined bells rung during the Elevation)? I had ordered a set from Catholic Direct, but I have to say that the bells they sent me were not of a very good quality… the little ringer things didn’t move freely, and the sound was less than impressive. I know a priest who has a set, and my chuch has two, but I need them for a secular purpose (for the premeire of a new piece for wind ensemble) and so I don’t think it would be appropriate to ask for their loan for the month that I would need them, especially since I know that, at my church, they are used at least every Sunday.
Thanks!

From the ‘Sublime to the Ridiculous’ Department
The most recent issue of the Adoremus Bulletin graced our mailbox this past Saturday, replete with articles about the newest encyclical and two excellent articles of interest to any church choir director (John, take note!) The Bulletin is published by the Society for the Renewal of the Sacred Liturgy, and each issue creates something of a stir in our household, due in large part to the ‘Letters’ section. We actually receive two copies of this worthy publication each month, and Bryan and I spent a very entertaining afternoon reading aloud, from our respective copies, the more outrageous letters from distressed Catholics nationwide who are unable to understand the wackier Liturgical ‘innovations’ that continually crop up, especially around significant dates in the Church year. Entertaining, but frustrating, of course.
Bryan and I are fortunate to belong to a parish that is firmly aboard the Barque of St. Peter (as opposed to some which seem to be perched precariously on one of the lifeboats towed behind) but my parents, residing in the Diocese of Richmond, are not so lucky. Their church is, to continue with the same imagery, a dinghy bobbing aimlessly in shark infested waters. As my Father counts down the days to the retirement of Bishop Walter ‘Jaws’ Sullivan, my Mother catalogues (have at it, Nihil) the more unusual theatrics of the unimaginative Liturgy Committee.
Unimaginative, because most of the innovations they come up with are, more often than not, taken from the 1979 edition of that well-known publication ‘Kute and Kreative Katholic Koncepts’ written, as I am sure you remember, by Sister Nouveu Mary. That industrious lady has since released at least ten updates to the above mentioned playbook, and I can’t understand why the committee has not yet availed itself of the newest edition. I suppose the recent purchase of 900 copies of the ‘Gather’ hymnal (ARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH, it doesn’t even fit in the pew book holder, ARRRGGGGHHH) sapped the budget (although, I did hear there was a special discount on ‘KKKK’ given to GIA customers… maybe I heard wrong.)
Just this past week, however, my Mom related to me a new and exciting addition to the Good Friday service which I think you should all be aware of, just in case you would like to bring it to the attention of your Liturgy Nazi… I mean, Committee Leader. Also, I would love to hear if anyone else ‘experienced’ the same thing. It went like this: When, during the reading of the Passion, the congregation kneels after Christ has given up His Spirit to the Father, someone dashed into a room off the Sanctuary. Moments later, the scratchy sounds of a thunderstorm record filled the church. Moments later, the sounds of my Mom’s uncontrollable giggling… no, that isn’t true. My Mom has excellent Custody of the Face.
Now, you might think I disdain this idea because the very notion of using a scratchy record to enhance the solemn liturgy during Holy Week is in Poor Taste. There, however you would be wrong. What bothers me is the manner in which this delightful idea was executed! A thunderstorm record? Let’s move with times, people! I have in my possession a complete set of Sister Mary’s ‘Atmospheres of the Liturgical Year’ on CD! Here is a liturgical accessory everyone should have and no one should be without! For example, use track 2, 5, and 13 (ocean waves, whale song, tweeting birds) for the Creation account. How about track 27 (trumpet fanfare) for that imperialist Jericho incident? When Jesus walks on water to the Apostles, just think how the reading would be enhanced by track 12 (fierce storm)? You could also use track 11 (water splash) for St. Peter’s momentary stumble on the waves, if you so choose. Track 29 (harp glissando) could be used to good effect whenever an angel is mentioned, and, on CD 2, the Crowd Murmurs (track 4) is useful for a variety of Biblical texts, from the Feeding of the 5,000 to the Sermon on the Mount!
Unfortunately, the collection has its flaws. The supplemental music CD is of fairly poor quality, the content having been transferred from audio tapes of Sister’s earlier recording ventures. Still, it contains material not to be heard anywhere else; The auditory joys of hearing your favorite ‘Kontemprary Katholic Klassics’ played by Sister herself on the nose flute (with accompaniment from ‘enthusiastic others’ on the headless tambourine, rainstick and egg shaker) are not to be missed. All in all, I think you should order your copy today… or you can send me $5.00 and I’ll dub you a copy.

Presidential Prayer Team

How many of you have seen this? Amazingly, my local Fox news chanel ran a rather lengthy segment on it (the pandas must have been napping. No, wait, what am I saying? My local news station miss a great chance to show pandas napping?) and they weren’t at ALL smirky. I wish all of those ‘Code Pink’ ladies would put away their body paint, put on their clothes and sign up. AND you get a car decal too!

taking this opportunity to say, once again, we have a problem here that would be totally solved by reception on the tounge. Ahem.)
So, brilliant readers of this blog, please help me! What should I do if I see this occur again? And, if I do go up to get a priest or minister during Communion, how do I do that? I would be very hesitant to disrupt the Mass. Help!
Oh, and have a lovely Thanksgiving!

Weekend Movie Guide
Well, we saw ‘The Ring’ this weekend. It has a few gaping plot holes, but is well balanced by good acting and a few very interesting twists and turns. The ending sets up a difficult moral question which is left unanswered (although you are left pretty sure what answer the protagonists are going to give); kind of a well-crafted version of that infamous B-movie teaser: ‘The End?‘
I can’t imagine a better horror movie than ‘The Exorcist’, though, since it was based on a true story and even has a tape from the real exorcism used in the movie! Catholics everywhere have to resist the urge to do the Wave when the Exorcist shows up at the afflicted girl’s house. Now, I’m not saying they should show this at teen retreats, but the clear distinction between good and evil is refreshing compared to the confusing and terrifying world of seemingly unstoppable horror in ‘The Ring’… during the entire movie I kept wondering why in the world no one went and got a priest. Well, during the parts when I was actually looking at the sceen, that is. Maybe I missed him.