He’s having chest pains

It’s Adam. He just ate the new “Monster Burger” from Hardee’s. While McDonald’s is phasing out the “Super” sizes, no doubt in the interest of public health but possibly motivated by the fear of a class-action lawsuit decades hence, Hardee’s puts forth this delicious combination of cow and pig – a 2/3 pound double burger with bacon and so much cheese it can hardly be called cheese only, a new adjective is needed to describe the amount of cheese contained therein. It is a gigantical portion of cheese. Caseus magnus. But why call it the “Monster Burger”? They would do well to give it some appeal to the hip-hop generation by calling it the “Monstah Burger” which, incidentally would be my rapper name if I was a rapper. It would be either “Monstah Burger” or “Massive Breakfast.” My rapper name, I mean.
Anyhow, don’t eat the Monster Burger- it’s bad for you and gluttons go to Hell. Pray for Adam.

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