Sometimes a Cigar is Just a Cigar. Sometimes…

At a recent Baccalaureate (Debacle-laureate?) one of the ‘spiritual representatives’ (btw, there were NO priests) told those of us assembled about his church’s ‘Peace Pole’.
“What is it?” I hear many of you cry, anxious to be Enlightened At Last. Really, if you hadn’t let you subscription to Commonweal lapse, you would already know… but I will tell you anyway. The ‘classic’ pole (so designated by the Peace Poles website) is approximately 8 feet high, with four sides. Each side has the message “Let Peace Prevail on Earth” inscribed on a brass plate in a different language. Really, the choice of languages to choose from is appaling… I mean amazing. It goes from Albanian to Zuni, with everything in between. Of course, for some of the more exotic languages (exotic to us, not to the 50 people who speak them) you can expect to pay $28.00 extra (I wonder if the Holy Spirit charged extra for His services to the few speakers of Ibo who were present in the crowds at Pentecost?)
Why didn’t I think of this? How did I miss out on this astonishingly simple plan to make a billion dollars by simply going to one of the 43 Home Depot locations near me and buying some oversized tomato stakes and a wood-burning kit?
Well, anyway, after you choose which four languages you want to have screwed to your pole, you have to choose the finish: glossy white, glossy black, or your choice of three different resins (I know what you are thinking, but, no, Ikea doesn’t make the poles.) Of course, all peace poles are crafted out of renewable resources (apparently, a peace pole made out of Brazilian rosewood would be a spiritual Faux Pas) and come in a variety of finishes. For the Very Diverse, there is an octagonal pole, which sports an impressive 8 languages of your choice! And all of this for a mere $1,300.00! The Peace Pole Maintenance Kit is an additional $20.00.
If planting a wooden stake in your front yard isn’t your thing (well, what’s wrong with you?) you can order a variety of other products. There are mini-peace poles to put on your desk… the website doesn’t say if these are as effective as the full size model. There are pencils and tote bags and a full line of clothing (for you, not the pole.)
All I can say is that I know GIA is Kicking Themselves over missing out on this. Watch for a slew of Marty Haugen anthems, suitable to be sung in the shade of the Peace Pole.

9 comments

  5. I see no reason at all to do anything “with ecumenical assistance,” (There is a need to evangelize, so I try to be polite to members of other Christian sects, which is about as ecumenical as we need to be, I think!)

  6. Also, I think the $1300 the pole cost could have been spent on copies of This is the Faith or Leo Trese’s The Faith Explained to give to fundie-types.

  7. A little statue of the Holy Father would be cheaper. Isn’t he a ‘peace Pole’? But anyway, it’s nice to see an item from Alexandra. Any chance we’ll get some more hymn commentary? (Loved them on your old blog!)

  8. Our town purchased one of those for our local park that contains all the major war memorials. Since it was a government purchase, I suspect they probably paid $1000 for it AND got the five-year warranty. Trouble is, when you are driving by the park, it just looks like a tall fencepost without the fence.
    Peace and monuments to it are fine and all, but these poles don’t quite do it for me. And for the love of Pete, don’t get politicians’ names or quotes involved in it unless they have been dead for over 100 years. Quote Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin, but don’t quote Al Sharpton or Slick Willie Clinton and their ilk.

  9. Bravo Chris and Jenny (and thank you, Jenny!)
    Chris, you put into words exactly how it made me feel!
    And, yes, why not a staue of the Holy Father, who did a lot more than put up a silly pole for peace during WWII with his involvement in the Rhapsodic Theatre.

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