Category: Uncategorized

According to the World Wildlife Fund, the Earth is going to run out of things in 2050. It’s a good thing to know this now so we can stock up well in advance. I am always running out of necessities at the most inopportune times. Not air and water – the stuff I really need. This morning, in fact, I found that I was out of toilet paper. Since I was in rather dire straits I did what my neighbor’s cat does. I used my newspaper. But seriously folks, the World Wildlife Fund is not only telling us the Earth is going to expire in 2050 so that all that’s left are roaches and empty Pez dispensers, they are also suing the fine athletes and entertainers of the Word Wrestling Federation to change their name. My dad is a huge fan of what we now know as the WWF, not those muesli-for-brains preaching the gospel of doom and gloom. This is what I have to say to those floraphiles (i.e. tree-huggers): borrow loosely from P.J. O’Rourke, “Turn the music down, pull your pants up, turn your hat around, and get a job!”

I would be expecting too much from CNN to mention that Rocky Versace, a Vietnam War POW and posthumous recipient of the Medal of Honor, was a devout Catholic who nearly entered the seminary rather than enroll in West Point.
Posthumous Medal of Honor goes to defiant POW
Contrast that with John J. Miller’s treatment on nationalreview.com.
Rocky Wins! A hero’s story.

I know what you’re thinking. I should expect news from cnn, not the editorial comment of NRO. The only editorializing that Mr. Miller does is the last sentence in his piece: “…make no mistake: There won’t ever be another Rocky Versace.” Other than that it is news like cnn is news, except that it has more facts. I don’t know about you but that’s what I want from the news I read – more relevant facts. Facts without the patently liberal bias of omission.

The inspiration for John’s funny post below was a call that I made to a parish yesterday to speak to a priest. The woman had clearly lost whatever enthusiasm she might have had for her job back when she was taking calls for Moses. She told me very tersely she thought Father was gone but she would look for him. She put the phone down and I heard the sound of her opening a can of soda and slowly pouring it into a glass, then she got back on the phone and said “He’s on retreat – call back on the 12th.” I was thinking “Don’t knock yourself out taking a message, lady – I wouldn’t want you to have to lift that rock and chisel to write my name down!”
tink tink tink tink “IS THERE A ‘T’ IN SCHULTZ?!” tink tink tink tink tink

Ever called your parish to speak to a priest and have a curt secretary tell you he’s on retreat? Makes you think maybe they need a retreat for parish secretaries.
Schedule for the Day of Recollection for Parish Secretaries
9:30am Arrive St. Agnes Retreat Center
10:00am Welcome
10:10am Ice breaker: “Who moved my cheese?”
10:30am First Talk: “How Would Christ Answer the Phone If He Had 167 Calls Per Day Asking for the Mass Schedule”
11:30am Small Group Discussion: “If I Could Be A Gazelle, How Far Would I Run From The Parish Offices Before Returning?”
12:00pm Brown Bag Lunch and Errand of Your Choice: Pharmacy, Library or Catholic Book Store
1:15pm Second Talk: “Dealing With Nuns In Leotards”
2:00pm Small Group Discussion: “Do You Want to Smack the Nun with the Front or the Back of Your Hand?”
2:20pm Nap
2:45pm Third Talk: “I Might Wear A Leotard, But I Run A Tight Retreat Center Here at St. Agnes”
3:30pm Small Group Discussion: “Why is That Nun Such A Sourpuss?”
4:00pm Sending Forth: “Go Forth and Make A Healthy Dinner For Your Family Before Tuning In To Murder She Wrote”