Author: John Schultz

Teresa and I went on a 6 day cruise along the coast of Maine. My parents came along as well.
Good things:
Location – Maine is beautiful this time of year. I love the ocean. Only one day of fog/rain.
Quality time with my beloved spouse.
Drinks didn’t cost extra on this cruise. (I’d say “free booze!” but that just doesn’t sound right.)
40 passengers total.
Did you know Maine has many, many lobsters?
Bad things:
Lobster served only 1 night on the boat. (Are you kidding me??? You were in MAINE in the height of lobster season!!!!)
All the fresh-faced, energetic college kids who were on the service staff went back to school and were replaced by college drop-outs and 18-year-old slackers.
Room wasn’t clean when we boarded.
Dining was always at a table for six, so every meal included socializing with other passengers (I was fine for a couple of days, then couldn’t take the superficial chatter with strangers. I started meals by saying “Vienna, Virginia – married 3 years – no kids yet – 2 cats, 1 dog – software company”)
Two words: Galley Fire. Ruined the beef for the night, we ate Haddock instead. Haddock is a fish for those of you who are unfamiliar with non-Salmon or non-Tuna fish types. It doesn’t have the tasty qualities of salmon or tuna.
Sous chef – fired after 3 days. Turned out he liked the free booze too much. Had caused the gallery fire and started to ruin breakfast the next day.
Boat was shaped like a house boat – so ocean travel was a little rough. I like rough, but there were several hip-replacements waiting to happen so one harbor visit needed to be cancelled due to high seas.

I heard two Sunday homilies this weekend, with a striking difference. One was written in advance and delivered with gusto, the other was a complete tirade delivered off the cuff. One was well organized and directed in terms of delivering the message, the other rambled from point to point. One used precise language, the other was delivered in an extremely casual fashion.
Guess what homily mentioned Jesus? The one that was planned and calculated.
I’d like to propose some guidelines for any priest that might be listening.
1. Plan your homily. Write it down even, and read it with fervor. You will say what you mean and mean what you say. Words mean things. If you don’t plan out your homily down to the last word, you risk miscommunicating and miscontruing your message.
2. Talk about Jesus. Your homily is not about you or how you feel. With a less educated and less holy crowd, you need to get to the heart of the message: God on Earth, Jesus Christ in flesh and blood among us. Every discussion of theology and morality needs to be rooted in Jesus Christ.
3. Don’t get angry without planning to be angry during your homily. The tirade I heard on Saturday evening was truly depressing. The priest was bitterly talking about abortion votes of Virginia politicians, about how the Church has been dragged through the mud in the media – all in the context of the fraternal correction passages of this week. It was very ineffective simply because there was no context for the anger – it wasn’t righteous indignation, it was a bully pulpit. Righteous indignation is just fine and can be effective in getting people to change their ways. But if you just sound bitter and angry without a sacred context then you are doing a great disservice.
That’s all for now… time to walk the doggie.

Regarding this post below, that was what Teresa and I had on our first day in Portland… not just dinner…
We had a great, relaxing time. I’ll blog on details once I’m thru the 600+ emails I have…

This is why I don’t go mushroom hunting.

I’m sure the goose will be delicious.