Author: John Schultz

When I read this headline, I thought this article was about me.

My comments in italics.
• While outside, try to keep moving. A moving target is more difficult to hit than one that is standing still.
Just don’t move toward the sniper – you’ll get larger in his scope.
• If you must remain in one place in an area where you feel vulnerable, select the darkest part of the area to sit or stand in.
This is why I’ve been sitting in my closet with the lights off.
• When moving outside, walk briskly in a zigzag pattern.
This worked great for our Pacific Fleet during World War II. Make sure your look-outs have coffee and your depth-charges are loaded and armed as well.
• If you must stand outside, try to keep some type of protective cover between yourself and any open areas where a sniper might be located. For example, if you are fueling your car, stand between your vehicle and the gas pump and bend your knees to lower your profile.
Very important: other people are not “protective cover.”
Also, don’t get hung up on the fact that you look like an idiot crouching while pumping gas.
And, don’t tease the sniper by standing in a parking lot going: “SNI-per! SNI-per!” (This is a Simpson’s reference: “DARrell! DARell!”)
• If you are fired on in an open area, drop to the ground and roll away from where you were standing. Look for the closest protective cover and run toward it in short, zigzag dashes.
This is good advice, unless you want to be a hero and try get the license number of the truck.

One out of one wife of John Schultz says she likes the idea of the new mysteries.

I’m all in favor of the new Luminous Mysteries for the simple reason that I’ve often prayed the Joyful Mysteries, then the Sorrowful Mysteries and wondered why there’s nothing in between the finding of Jesus in the temple and the agony in the garden.
I see only one downside: John XXIII Publications has an absolutely horrendous version of the new stations of the cross with “adaptations” psalms that replace masculine references to God with phrases like “Holy One” and “Mighty One.” I’m sure we’ll see some other clap-trap out there disguised as legit publications around the new mysteries.

I got gas in Vienna, Virginia on my way to work today.