This Fries Me

Dear PETA:
I love animals. They’re delicious!
Regards,
John Schultz

Sales Tip #1

My wife Teresa is in the cosmetic and fragrance business. One of the products her company makes is a lotion that helps relieve razor burn. Every now and then, she looks at my neck and says, “You still using that Razor Burn Relief? Because right now, you’re not a good advertisement for me.”
I normally don’t think of myself as an advertisement, it seems a little cheap and cheesy. But the business of advertising and sales is alot like evangelization – it’s something that can be lost of some of the most sincere Catholics. Every day is an opportunity to meet and have an impact on people that are not living fully in Christ.
I’m writing these tips because I’ve been running into people who are good, active Catholics but aren’t going to get people to buy what they are selling. It’s not a holiness issue, it’s a communication issue. Here’s Tip one:

The Boutique Parish

Does your parish only seat 150 people?
Does everyone seem to know everyone by name?
Is everyone in approximately the same age group?
Is everything sung as though it’s the last selection before Christ returns in glory?
Does the congregation burst into memorized songs during Communion?
Does everyone pal-around before Mass and linger afterwards?
Does just about everyone participate in some form of ministry involving the general operation of the parish?
If you answered yes to more than one of the questions above, you probably attend a Boutique Parish.
A music director I know recently went to a Mass at St. Boutique’s. She enthusiastically told me about it: everyone sang the roof off, everyone memorized the words, people were very friendly, it was so inspiring…
The boutique experience is great, but there’s a problem:

St. Blog’s loses another…

Beard.
I shaved my beard this morning while my wife watched in dismayed curiosity: “What will my husband look like without a beard? I’ve never seen him without a beard.”
And the answer is: younger, rounder, whiter. I will need to get some sun on my face this weekend.
My wife says she’s looking forward to spending time with her new man tonight… I guess that’s good.

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