I get the impression that my confessions are shorter than average. That is not because I sin less than other people. I try to go to confession at least once a month, and I rarely go more than six weeks without receiving the sacrament. (Grace is like gasoline to my soul: I run fine as long as I keep pouring it in regularly.)
At first, I thought I was just underestimating the time. “Time flies when you’re recounting your offenses against God,” as the saying goes. But a couple of weeks ago, I waited for more than an hour behind 10 people or so, and I couldn’t have taken more than two minutes. This has happened with many different priests at several parishes, so I don’t think I’m imagining it; even when the people in front of me are taking 5-10 minutes, I’m finished in half that time.
What’s going on here? Usually, I think of my sins beforehand and rattle them off unless the confessor asks me for clarification. If there are some mitigating or exacerbating circumstances, I mention them. For example, a while ago I missed Mass through no fault of my own, but I felt relieved because I had a lot to do that evening. That was clearly not a mortal sin, but since I treated Mass that day as a chore, it showed how far I was from saintly perfection.
Do people try to get pastoral advice in the confessional? I take it if it’s offered, but I don’t ask for it unless I have a question about something I’m confessing. Or do a lot of people need on-the-fly catechesis, and priests try to teach the penitents that certain things are sinful? I have several spiritual shortcomings, but resistance to orthodox teachings isn’t one of them.
I’m not fishing for someone to say “you’re so holy, Eric,” because I know that’s not true. I’m truly curious.
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An elderly priest in Northern California told me that he found people these days to be more interested in seeking spiritual advice than in confessing their sins during the Sacrament of Reconciliation.
I usually confess behind the screen – the old-fashioned way – and I’ve always wondered whether people who do it face-to-face naturally tend to be more “sociable”; therefore, taking more time.
Are the people in line ahead of you men or women?
:-)
Eric, it sounds like you are doing fine. There all kinds of reasons people take long times in the cnfessional. Many times it is because they are seeking counseling (which makes it difficult for the priest because counseling in the confessional is still under the seal so no follow-up discussions can be made. Further, it takes up precious time from someone seeking to just confess their sins.) Other times there are priests who give talks in the confessional and still other times people have a lot to say.
However, I see nothing wrong with your confessional time. It sounds like you are doing just fine. Heck, how many people do not go to the confessional at all.
If it helps this advice comes from someone who has heard confessions in three languages and therefore many cultures. (English, Spanish, Portuguese) I think you have nothing to worry about.
By the way, I prefer to go behind the screen and I prefer to hear confessions from behind a screen.
Actually, Richard, the sexes are evenly divided, more or less. This isn’t Massachusetts, where only old ladies go to confession. ;)
I always go behind the screen, too. A couple of months ago, I got it in my head that maybe it was “unmanly” to hide behind a screen. It turned out that the face-to-face option had a screen, too — but it was translucent. Now I’m back to the opaque screen.
Thanks for the reassurance, Father Carr. Often, I find myself confessing the same sins, and I wonder if I am “taking advantage” of the sacrament. Then I realize that there will probably be no final victory over my tendency toward sloth, for example, at least until my death. Even if I am not cooperating fully with the grace I have received, that doesn’t mean I should stop seeking it.
I’m the same as you. I’ve been behind people who take 15 minutes or more, and it’s the same people every time, too. If someone is averaging more than 5 minutes, he really should either go by appointment to a set spiritual director or at least wait until everyone else has gone. One time about a month ago, I was in a hurry and actually had to leave and go back the next day because I had been waiting in line behind about 4 people for more than 30 minutes (about 20 of which were one person).
I always assumed that some people had more to say (or more to hear) than others. I am so glad to see people going to confession, I don’t really care how long they take.
Usually if I really need some pastoral counsel I will go face-to-face…otherwise it’s the screen! BTW confession in the eastern rites has a greater focus on God’s mercy.
You’re so holy, Eric.
Perhaps there is an architectural reason for why the people in front of you take longer: single-penitent confessionals (there’s probably a better term for this).
The older confessionals generally seem to be double-penitent; while one penitent is confessing, the other is waiting in the other booth on the opposite side of the priest. When I confess in one of these double-penitent models, it generally seems to go quicker, perhaps because the priest can tell that there is a person waiting on the other side.
But in the single-penitent confessionals, my confessions (and especially the waiting time outside) seem to go longer, perhaps because the priests can’t tell how many people are waiting outside, so they feel more free to slow down and offer advice.
If you rattle off your confession, perhaps your manner convinces the priest hearing you that you aren’t in need of advice or counseling, even if you’re using the single-penitent confessionals.
All of the above is just a totally wild-ass guess on my part!
Incidentally, speaking of confessional architecture, let me note the worst aspect of the older, double-penitent confessionals: sound leakage. In some (not all) of the ones I have been in, I can hear the other penitent almost as well as the priest! Or I can hear the priest well enough to know what the other person is confessing! This seems to be the case with ones constructed in 18-whenever or early 19-something. The newer ones don’t seem to have this problem.
That does sound creepy, Bill. You could be right about the architecture, but there aren’t too many old churches around here (except mine).
Eric,
It is the case that people go to confession for spiritual direction, something that the sacrament wasn’t meant to be. Spiritual guidance and having a 20 minute discussion with the priest about your life’s problems are two different things and most people are doing the latter in the confession line. If I have a spiritual problem I sit down and talk with a priest about it, one on one, at a time when other’s aren’t waiting. Like you, it only takes me about 2-3 minutes in confession and I go on the average of once every week or two weeks.
Some confessionals (or at least some penitents) leak enough sound as to be heard by someone sitting in a nearby pew. If you’re on the outside trying to ignore it, try humming tunelessly. :-)
Come to think of it, some older confessionals were freestanding: the priest was in an enclosure, but the penitents on either side were not hidden at all, kneeling at prie-dieus built in on either side. The last time I saw one was at Padre St. Pio’s friary in Italy: it must have taken some nerve to confess that way!
The priest-enclosed-penitent-not confessionals are also used at St. John Cantius in Chicago. I didn’t find them difficult to use at all. People in line usually aren’t staring at you. The only time they look is to see if you are done.
On the other hand, I guess I wouldn’t want to use one of these types of confessionals if I felt that I was going to get emotional.
The rule explained to me was “Be blunt, be brief, be gone.” I’ve never found a reason to be otherwise!