Sure, birth control might kill ya, but whadda ya gonna do?

I thought of this when I read Richard’s link to the parody drug commercial: ever seen the ads for that birth control patch? They say it causes “blood clots, hemorrhaging, weight gain, stroke, etc.” and they make no attempt to minimize it with a statement like “these effects were similar to other patients who received placebos,” probably because nobody would want placebo birth control. (“I was in the placebo group? I’m not even married! I was just doing this for the two hundred bucks!”)
Also, normal birth control pills contribute to osteoporosis and an increased risk of cancer. Ah, contraception: you gave us casual sex, rampant bastardy, and you strike at the very heart of marriage and family life. Is there anything you can’t do?

7 comments

  1. Ten points for the first person who identifies the “Simpsons” reference in this post: the episode, circumstances, character who said it, and the correct line itself.

  2. Apparently it’s pretty obscure, or else you made the conditions too tough. But what can we do with these points once we get them? Can we use them to buy Catholic Light merchandise? You know, t-shirts with CL members faces and witty quotes on them, talking Eric Johnson plush dolls, beer steins and coffee-cups with the CL banner, and maybe even a t-shirt with a question mark where the face should be and a overwhelmingly awesome quote from yours truly. C’mon guys, it could be a great source of a little extra money and it would get CL’s address around. Everyone’s doing it. Eric’s “ten points to the peron…” could just be the first promotional effort.

  3. I will give two hints: the character who said the line was Homer Simpson, and it was in a fourth-season episode.

  4. Is bastardy a word?
    On second thought, don’t answer that. I really don’t think I’ll be using that in a research paper.

  5. BASTARDY
    Pronunciation: ‘bas-t&r-dE
    Function: noun
    Inflected Form(s): plural -tard·ies
    1 : the quality or state of being a bastard : ILLEGITIMACY
    2 : the begetting of an illegitimate child

  6. Okay, nobody got it. It was the Monorail episode, where Homer stops the out-of-control Springfield Monorail with a huge doughnut from the top of Lard-Boy’s store. After the train comes to a stop, he says, “Doughnuts. Is there anything they can’t do?”

  7. Eric,
    And at first I thought he was talking about beer! Then, searching with Google, I found some sites quoting Homer without context or episode saying:
    “Television. Is there anything you can’t do?”
    Never thought of donuts, though I really should have. I haven’t watched the Simpsons in years though.

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