Speaking of mediocre Church music…

… I recently joined the Society for a Moritorium on the Music of David Haas and Marty Haugen. Here’s one of their funnier parodies:
Gather Them In (for Thanksgiving)
Here in this place, our family’s meeting –
Grandparents, cousins, uncles and aunts –
Getting in place for dinnertime seating,
And to my mother they’re chanting these chants:
“Gather them in, the turkey and stuffing,
Gather them in, the gravy and ham!
And don’t forget that Thanksgiving dinner
Just ain’t complete without cranberry jam!”
Out in the den my uncles were spitting
Curse words in front of the big screen TV
While watching football (totally fitting):
Visitors thirty, home team only three.
“Gather them in,” my mother requested:
“Gather them in, lest dinner gets cold.”
And though at first, my uncles protested,
Watching the walloping quickly grew old.
Gone from this place, my sister’s new diet.
Brother’s already demanding more food.
To our surprise, the in-laws are quiet –
No petty fighting to break up the mood.
“Gather the beans, the corn and potatoes.”
“Gather the pot roast, gather the bread.”
“Haven’t you got too many tomatoes?
Just one more bite will render you dead.”
After our dinner, everyone’s groaning,
Grousing, complaining, that they ate too much.
And this one thought has my cousins moaning:
Turkey breast sandwiches for next week’s lunch.
“Gather them in, the Pepto-dash-Bismol,
Gather them in, the Pepcid AC.
Please do it quick, cuz’ we’re feeling dismal,
Next year we’ll limit our helpings to three!”