Top 10 Ways You Can Tell You’re a Food Elitist

10. You panic when you think you’ve run out of shallots.
9. You know precisely how many days it’s been since you last sharpened your heavy European knives.
8. You refer to pre-ground black pepper as “grey dandruff.”
7. You call the “parmesan cheese” in the green can “white dandruff.”
6. You believe fresh garlic has sacramental qualities.
5. You can tell where an olive oil originated by tasting a single drop.
4. You have a quasi-erotic attachment to roasted pignoli.
3. You look down on people who don’t know that “pignoli” is Italian for “pine nuts.”
2. You think the first step for preparing “instant” mac-and-cheese is making a roux.
And the #1 way you can tell you’re a food elitist…
1. You would spend more on a truffle than a car payment.

18 comments

  3. You may remember the name “Francesco Valentino” from some old Met recordings/broadcasts. Well, he was actually from Pittsburgh, and his real name was Frank Valentine. Apparently he adopted the Italianization so he could train less conspicuously in Italy, since he was of italian descent and actually spoke the language.

  6. Isn’t “artisan cheddar” a contradiction in terms? Cheddar is an all-American, tasty, tangy, unpretentious cheese, and the Johnson refrigerator usually has between 1-3 lbs. in it.
    I have quasi-erotic feelings toward foie gras, too.

  7. You need to get some Minerva Special Reserve Raw Whole Milk Cheddar. It comes in a 2-pound wax-covered wheel. Not pretentious, but mighty tasty.
    And cheddar actually originated in Cheddar, England, as far as I understand, so it really is as American as Apple Pie.

  8. Um, Cheddar is in Somerset, so how can Cheddar cheese be all-American? Real Cheddar is a delight.

  10. I’ve been looking for goat-cheese cheddar after being told it tastes better than cow-cheese cheddar (even for those of us who don’t like goat cheese). but I can’t find anywhere, even in any of the hippy-friendly stores in Eugene.
    Of course, I’m not a food snob, but a beer snob.

  11. Is goat cheese cheddar really cheddar? See, I don’t think vodka “martinis” are martinis. It seems like if you change an essential part of a thing, you’ve changed it into something else.

  12. Sure it’s still cheddar. It just isn’t Cheddar.
    Seriously, most of the feta you get here is cow’s milk rather than sheep’s milk, and there is a HUGE difference, but the cow version is still sold as feta.
    Minerva also makes a goat-milk sharp cheddar. Yum!

  13. Yu gusy haven’t heard of artisan cheddar? First of all the original cheddar was/is from England, from, Cheddar, of course. Like so much else in the English food industry, cheddar went into a tailspin in WWII. In the last ten years, it has been making a comeback in small farmhouses there. You see some of this cheese in places like Trader Joe’s labelled English Farmhouse Cheddar.
    Cheddar is such a great cheese, and American colonists being English, they naturally tried to make the same chese here. Over the last 20 years a (literal) cottage industry has sprung up making small batches of superb cheddars in Vermont. Grafton Village is the best know of the artisan Vermont cheddars. Cabot also has some claims on the title, though they produce an awful lot of (really fine) cheddar.

  14. In case people missed it, Jonathan is right on. Apple pie also originated in Europe (maybe not in England, but absolutely in Europe), just like cheddar (and they make a great combination eaten for breakfast).

  15. Think about a vodka martini as having the substance, but no longer having the “accidents” of a real (gin) martini. Expect none of your Prot friends to understand.

  16. This from a man who wonders why I find it intimidating to cook for him. On a budget, with a baby on one hip and two preschoolers running around. Sheesh.

  17. Still smarting from the Gigantesco comment… as if I’m morbidly obese or something.

Comments are closed.