Mark Shea beat me to the punch on this one from The Onion, but it is too funny to pass up.
About twice a year we do a sacred Renaissance piece that has a hand drum or tambourine part. Those are the times I pull out my Grover tambourine and show the congregation that it can be played without incurring the wrath of the God. My undergrad is in music and percussion was my primary instrument. I never played or sang at the Masses on campus. The idiot guitar players told me they didn’t need any male singers unless they could play guitar as well.