According to the World Wildlife Fund, the Earth is going to run out of things in 2050. It’s a good thing to know this now so we can stock up well in advance. I am always running out of necessities at the most inopportune times. Not air and water – the stuff I really need. This morning, in fact, I found that I was out of toilet paper. Since I was in rather dire straits I did what my neighbor’s cat does. I used my newspaper. But seriously folks, the World Wildlife Fund is not only telling us the Earth is going to expire in 2050 so that all that’s left are roaches and empty Pez dispensers, they are also suing the fine athletes and entertainers of the Word Wrestling Federation to change their name. My dad is a huge fan of what we now know as the WWF, not those muesli-for-brains preaching the gospel of doom and gloom. This is what I have to say to those floraphiles (i.e. tree-huggers): borrow loosely from P.J. O’Rourke, “Turn the music down, pull your pants up, turn your hat around, and get a job!”